Blog Trolling
16 May 2007It’s amazing how my daughter manages to attract judgmental idiots on a fairly regular basis. What’s really amusing is how some of them put on an air of superiority about their views. A lot of it boils down to that age old pet peeve of certain folks who feel they are “More Right” than other people.
Over at Selphie’s blog, someone attempted to shove Sara around a bit. Tell her how she should forget about interpersonal relationships, you know, the boyfriend/girlfriend variety…and just live life. I say, more than anything…living life is about making choices. Even what might appear to be bad ones. Nobody ever learned anything by walking or running away from hard problems in life.
Now, for my money…pain, loss, and exploration of what we do not know…even in the face of making a hard choice…these are what define what it means to be a real human being. How many of us can remember that first kiss? That first date?
I know I do. Some pain there, to be sure. But, like any person, I am also the sum of my parts, like Selphie is. The sum of my parts. In this case, my parts are experience, things I have learned along the way. What offends me greatly, more than anything in the world…is people who try to shelter children from mistakes or tell kids what they cant do. It’s an excuse to try to live and avoid things vicariously through them. And, on some levels, its tantamount to abusive.
Why is it abusive? Simple. If you teach a child how to make choices. How to weigh the circumstances…if you give a child a value system, and let them develop…as people, you have to let them test it. Otherwise, how will they know what is good, or what is bad? How will they know not to do something, or what to look for the next time?
What’s even more troubling is the one thing most people never see: what does it say about your ability to parent, to impart to a child lessons and values…if you cant trust them to use them? If you dont believe in their value to apply, then I would postulate you don’t trust in the strength of the value system you gave them. Or in your ability to impart them. If you have no confidence in your own values, and yourself, you have no business raising a child.
It’s abusive to tell someone how to do something, and then NOT allow them to try. Its a bait and switch, a variation on the old “Do as I say, not as I do”…its plain hypocrisy, and I wont ever allow it.
Does that mean I let Selphie juggle chainsaws while balancing STD filled condoms on her nose? No. It means, we trust each other until given a reason not to. It means I am her friend first, and her father when I need to be…namely when her safety is in question. Beyond that, she is free to make mistakes…and deal with whatever consequences come her way. Consequences have a funny way of working too. What seems like the worst trouble you could ever be in today, will seem like the biggest godsend you ever had 20 years from now. How do I know? Time and distance…and experience. Where did get that experience? From making mistakes, and learning from the consequences.
But, kids wont learn that, if you attempt to subject them to a locked cell, and keep them from making mistakes and learning. I see it all the time…the girl who goes wild her first year in college, because of the severe restrictions and sheltering she had growing up under parents who were so afraid anyone would touch their precious crotch fruit…that when the girl finally got out: she was SO not equipped with what the real world, and its all too frightening reality had to offer her.
So, I guess…maybe I am an oddball parent. I don’t mind. But, I wont allow my daughter to put herself in danger. Trying to shelter her from mistakes would be putting my daughter in danger…danger of not knowing. In danger of never learning anything.
You can disagree with that, I don’t mind. I don’t even mind if you are of the opinion that my kid is wrong. But, if you have an argument against it, it had better be well constructed. And it better not amount to a glorified version “cause I said so, and I am more right than you are”…We here at Digital Arcadia do not indulge people in their idiotic fallacy based arguments.
I love Selphie. Ive watched her grow and learn. She has earned my trust. And my respect…as I have earned hers. Why would I put that in jeopardy just to do things “like everyone else”?
Meh.
on May 16th, 2007 at 5:31 pm
Isn’t it amusing? Annoying, but amusing…
Anyway, I agree. I’m too lazy to put anything else up, sorry.
on May 16th, 2007 at 5:40 pm
No need to say anything. I felt what I had to say was better said on my blog, rather than your comment pile. =)