Summer Break begins…
7 June 2007…and Selphie strolls in, and declares “I am officially a high school freshman!”
To which I respond of course: “Go away. You depress me.” It’s not as if I am not proud of her, I am. I am just having issues as of late with how much she has grown up in the last 3-4 years. If you read this blog regularly, you will know that I am not some ass-headed parent who lives vicariously through her. I also do not hover or smother. I make a concerted effort to let her BE a person.
This is the way its always been.
But, as she came in and proudly declared her new status as someone who was no longer in the K-8 set, all I could see was the little blonde 5 year old girl with a winning grin telling me about how now she was going to high school. If you have ever seen “Father of the Bride“, you’ll know exactly what I am talking about. And then the idiot parent stereotype starts to rise to the surface and tells me…
It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Nobody told me they grew up so damned fast. Nobody informed me about this particular suffering I am going through. I went back and looked in all those books her mother read when she was pregnant. There is NOTHING IN THERE about this. When she was born, she could not do a thing for herself, and now she’s going off to High School in the fall?! This girl? The one who cried a flash flood if ANY Gerber food touched any part of her face, and not her tounge until it was washed off? She could not even say the word “hazel” until I set her straight!
Me: What color are your eyes, Selph?
Selphie: Weasel Colored!
Me: Weasel Colored?
Selphie: Yes! Weasel colored!
Me: Do you mean “Hazel”?
Selphie: Oh, I guess so!
Me: *laughs*
Selphie: HUSH IT!
Of course she was 5 or 6 at the time, but that’s really beside the point.
I figured, you know, she would always be that lovable adorable little girl who jumbled words, not because she was dumb, but out of excitement. And after all these years, you know, I had grown a bit accustomed to this person who ever so delicately puts me in my place when I need it. And has never failed to leave me speechless at least once a day.
I found some pictures from about 5 or 6 years ago, back when her hair was still blonde, and she still had a nasty streak of gullibility. She was so freakin adorable, sitting in the living room, opening presents. It was a couple years later that she informed me she was “too old” to be referred to as “Daddy’s little girl”. (Note to other fathers: that’s your first heartbreak milestone.) I asked her “What happened to that adorable little girl”…and the response I got?
“Oh, I killed her, and buried her in the back yard. You’re stuck with me now!”
And just like that, I was informed that the little girl who I held in one hand when I brought her home from the hospital was now approaching 14 at breakneck speed. I did not think this through. I didnt plan on this. I figured, I would always have my cute adorable little sidekick. But, dammit all! She’s growing up. And, no I don’t think lopping her off at the knees is going to help. The $22.50 I spent on the “Civil War Amputation Play set” is a total bust. I got the memo & TPS report, and she nonchalantly stapled it to my face, with the right godamned cover sheet.
So what do I do? I sigh, I revel in the fact that I am the father of a girl who, despite a tumultuous start to the 8th grade year, finished it with a 3.5 average. I take the spoon of sorrow and lace it with the fact that, she’s turning into a strong, independent, think for herself woman. I guess I try to enjoy her summer as much as she will, and try to take in as much of her as I can, because the next 4 years will be life changing for her. The best years of her life to this point, are approaching. And, suddenly, I am more of a spectator, than a participant. And, its very hard. It makes me sad in one way, and happy in another.
Rapidly, it’s occuring to me that one day, I may in fact, wind up being her sidekick.
Edit: I often make references to Selphie, and I have never posted a picture..the Internet being what it is. However, she is older now, and I do not have quite as much an issue with it as before. So, without further ado..
That was then…
And this is now…
on June 8th, 2007 at 1:22 pm
Watching your children grow up and become independant adults is always bitter sweet. On one hand you are proud of them, on the other hand, in a sense you are losing them…well perhaps not losing them, but just building relatiosnhips with them in entirely different and foreign ways. Any way you cut it, it’s hard to let go of a child when it seems just like yesterday they were just learning how to walk, etc. I think this is ever more bitter for fathers and their daughters. After all, my dad til this day calls me his little girl and I am approaching 30.