Kinetics and Genetics.
10 July 2007It’s been a strange brew of situational crises over the last couple of weeks…
I love my family, but sometimes they make it hard for me to maintain my own stability and sanity. There was one low point where I felt that maybe I made a mistake moving back up here. But it passed. I was away too long, to some degree. To be honest, alot of it boils down to being the “go to guy” for some of the more dysfunctional elements.
Don’t get me wrong. Im good in a crisis. Very good in a crisis. But it’s no way to live life. And, really, none of it has been as bad as some of the other bad moments in my life, so I really cannot complain. But like anything in life, too much of it can take its toll.
What’s really strange, what really boggles my mind quite a bit, is the weirdness of Selphie and myself being “involved” with someone at the same time. Obviously, not the same someone….
It’s weird, because we have outside perspectives on each other. I have come to respect her outward perspective on my relationships, and while I am not quite sure she has the same respect for my view (She’s younger, and still in the learning curve, to a large degree…for her, alot of the experience is the lesson) its kind of odd for her and I to compare notes, so to speak. Just another dynamic of her and I that’s new in alot of ways, and usual in others.
Selphie, I think, is never going to be happy with alot of the people her own age, because of her maturity and intelligence. It’s just one of those things. She has a hard time understanding the natural infidelity of people her own age. And the natural secretive element of social groups in 9th grade. Selphie has half my genetic code, and she’s got a temper when it comes to things of a personal nature. She goes on the attack when someone messes with her little sphere, or me and my sphere. Someone messed with her sphere in the last week. I’ll be sure to let you know where you can send flowers for the victim.
I went out with Seraph over the weekend. We did alot of neat things. Flew a kite, talked alot, had a beer or three. And, engaged in some serious conversation here and there, mixed with some genuine funny moments. I even (gasp) let her take pictures of me. That’s something I usually shy away from. Can’t explain it. I just felt *that* comfortable. And, as anyone who knows me, soused or not, I usually dont allow pictures. Evidence of this policy abounds: how many pictures of me exist? =)
But, I allowed her pictures, and such. Went the full nine. So, the fact that I felt strangely relaxed to the point I was comfortable enough to let my photo guard down…that says something about her.
I find myself being a bit less rigid and a bit less controlled around her, as opposed to how I usually am. I have a fairly disciplined mind. I hide a fair amount of myself to almost everyone. I do this more out of the interests of self preservation. The kinetic energy of where its going is slow, and I am okay with that. I’ve been in a hurry to do alot of things in my life, but I don’t see that here. In times past, I have been eager to locate, find and lock up in a box, whatever spot of happiness I could find.
I guess in this case, the journey is less about trying to secure something so fleeting in nature. This is something new in me. I am infinitely more relaxed, and ready to let things be what they are. Let things go where they go.
In the end, I suppose you could even say I have reached the pinnacle of patience and fortitude on this topic. I really do feel I have the complete toolbox now. I am in the right place, at the right time. I am open to newer ideas and concepts, and I am open to just ‘being’. It’s kind of strange.
So, yeah, its been a busy as hell last couple weeks. I don’t know what the next couple weeks will bring along. Hopefully, less stress…and more personal time.
Ja Mata!
