Sleeping on a sheetless bed.
15 July 2007Which of you to gain me, tell, will risk uncertain pains of hell?
I will not forgive you if you will not take the chance.
— Terrapin Station. Grateful Dead.
I had an interesting day yesterday. It’s funny how when some doors close, others open. I know it’s the way of things. In the span of a lifetime, compared to everything out there, they are but fleeting moments. But, any crossroad you encounter can seem larger than life.
I have not had a moment in life, in a very very long time, where a crossroad met required bravery. For alot of my life, alot of the choices I face have been almost…straightforward in many ways. Sure some of them required great care and thought, but..looking back on them…fairly straightforward for the most part.
It seems that I have met a Lady with a fan, Figuratively & metaphorically speaking. And this is something I surely did not expect. And, indeed, to a large extent, it does require bravery. And, not the cliche notion of bravery. This required bravery of the mind and heart.
I know what you might be thinking: Mister Impetuous, needed to stop and re-coup? You bet your ass I did. As put together as I am (or think I am), believe it or not sometimes even I get something out of left field that I never expected. I guess that’s one of the things I happen to love and embrace about life: the universe is not done with me yet. It keeps sending me new puzzles. Not other people, or things. It keeps sending me puzzles about me.
I re-arranged a few things, and Seraph came over to spend some time on Saturday. We went to a birthday party in Mount Prospect. Now, the important thing here is not the party, or where it was held. It was the time spent. And, moreover, it was the stuff between her and I that we shared. Last weekend, when we went out on our date, I held back quite a bit. I would almost say out of my own fear of letting go a bit. We had a great time and such. But I was a mass of confusion, and in the following week I had to ask myself straight up if I had lost my composure when facing the prospect of someone who could be a companion.
Well, seems I hadnt, despite the signals I was sending to myself. Ultimately, it was simply a crossroad I had not expected: would I risk, or would I run? We all have moments in life where we sink or try to paddle. But, that was just a thin veneer on it, it was not the core issue.
The core issue was not one of panic about risks taken. It was a a matter of a comfortable speed. I guess, I have attained a new level of patience when it comes to matters of the heart. And, I’ll even go one further: it suits me.
Seraph is a rather novel woman. She’s sharp, and has a very well attuned mind. What’s really attractive is that she has a very creative mind. Not just creative in the usual sense either. She’s got something else I have never seen before, other than maybe within myself: she’s creative within herself, and it shows in the way she presents things. I know, sounds a bit dodgy eh? Let me give a rough example. Before we headed out, I broached a subject of a personal nature. Something between her and I, that was related to last weekend. And, not only did she listen, she contemplated. She had obviously spent some time and attention towards the subject. And she obviously had to think…the creative way she articulated her responses…blew me away on some levels…
…I thought only I talked frankly like that. I made frank statements, and she made frank responses. I’ve never encountered that before. But, they were not off the cuff. They were not reactive statements. They showed great articulation, and that requires a brain and creativity. You can’t articulate without creativity. You have to be able to leap beyond simple word mechanics to convey a thought, a feeling, a sense…and you just can’t do with the machine of pure language.
And at the end of that conversation, she threw her fan into the lion’s den.
And so we went out and about. We headed off the Famous Freddies, and met some of her friends. We drank and commiserated. And, at the end of the evening, as we were driving back, we talked and laughed. And, when the evening was over, I was happily exhausted. There really is no other way to put it, to be honest. I was happy, thrilled, and felt very alive. I went upstairs, looked at my bed, looked over at my newly washed sheets, and didnt care. I fell into a nicely deep sleep, on a sheetless bed, full of wonder of what the future holds.
In the final analysis, life still surprises me. And, as long as that continues to happen, I will always be happy. Seraph is turning out to be a surprise I had not counted on. And a good one at that. Who knows what the future holds? What I do know is, I am going to enjoy this. A whole bunch. It seems to be all there: beauty, brains, conversation, clue and chemistry.
And, she knows of the knights who say “Ni!”. What more could a guy ask for?
